Caleb's 3rd Birthday!

Happy Birthday Caleb!


My big boy... my baby...but such a big boy! Caleb is three today. Three years ago today, I held him in my arms for the first time. I still cannot explain the feeling I felt when Christian held Caleb up and placed him on my belly, "We have a Caleb." Total euphoria, love, adoration, and so mcuh more. Caleb, I love you, and I am so thankful for you!

Lot's of pics on Facebook of the big day, check them out. but here are a few highlights...

Caleb was allowed to invite 3 friends: Stasi and Sasha (package deal), Ella, and Jesse. They had a great time!

Audrey Rolled Over!

Audrey rolled over yesterday. She has done this twice before (once at 2 months) and the other is a post earlier on my blog. Yesterday was definitely intentional, she really wanted something, but I am not sure she knows what she did, or how to do it again for that matter.

Green Day... Happy St. Patrick's Day!

We all wore green, ate green food, made green projects, and had a green time!

So fun! Go Green!

If Tomorrow Never Comes

Hi All,

Here is a shameless plug for my sister-in-law, Marlo, and her latest book coming out in May, If Tomorrow Never Comes. You have to read the interview, and then the book, and then her books she has already written. I have read them all, and enjoyed them all.

Here is the link to the interview on her blog:
http://marloschalesky.blogspot.com/

What I love about Marlo's books is that she deals with real life pain and issues, and weaves her faith into the story in a non-confrontational way. Her characters often go from a simple faith to a profound faith, and I have grown in my faith as I have read her books. Of course, I have the bonus of getting to grow in my faith as I hang out with Marlo too!

Check her out. Any mom of 5 kids who is also a business owner and a writer is worth checking out!

I am not crazy!

Remember last week when I was feeling like a terrible mother?

Well, it was plaguing me so much that I had to go see my counselor. I hadn't been in a year, so it was probably time for a check up anyway. Yes, I said check up. Don't all normal people see a counselor once a year?

Anyway, my counselor listened to me for almost an hour. When I was done talking (when you don't go for a year there is a lot to catch up on!), she said I am not crazy. Whew! That was a relief.

What she did say is that I am run down and worn out. That I never was good about taking breaks when Caleb was a baby, and now with two children I have a bad habit of not taking breaks. She said it is catching up to me.

How do you take a break with a nursing infant? I challenged.

Apparently, I am to leave the kiddos with Christian, a friend, someone for at least an hour, two is better. Once a week. Does anyone else do this?

I came home and told Christian, and because I have a wonderful husband, he said it makes sense. He also said he will help me to get away for an hour once a week, to go on a walk, meet with a friend, whatever. In fact, I already have some alone time scheduled for this week.

I remember my counselor wanting me to do this with Caleb too, but it just seemed impossible, wrong even, and I had no desire to be without him. However, now with two children, it sounds like a good idea. Especially since I am finding myself being angry a lot. Angry with Christian, angry with God, and in the last year, angry with Caleb. You would think that any of those would be cause enough to send me to figure things out, but it was the angry with Caleb part that made me go see my counselor. I thought she was going to tell me that I had some deep seeded emotional issue I had to work out. But no, she just wants me to take a break 1-2 hours a week.

I think I can do it. And... is this possible? I haven't been as angry since I went yesterday. In fact, I didn't feel angry at all today. Tired yes, sick yes, but no anger. Woohoo!

Oops, and other male/female bathroom blunders

Context:
Caleb truly is so proud that he wears big boy underwear now. And yes, as part of the whole, "pee pee on the potty" idea, we use to say to Caleb, "Show (enter relative or close friend's name) how you can pee pee on the potty." This led to Caleb believeing that anyone that is around when he is going potty (that he even slightly knows, especially other kids) ought to watch him go. Most kids happily oblige, especially those who are not yet potty trained, as potty training is this huge mysterious thing.

Friend's Post:
http://www.houseofwaffles.com/hw/Blog/Entries/2009/3/9_Castration_anxiety_(No%2C_not_me).html

Jen, I am so sorry for the confusion this caused!

My sister, (sorry for outing you Katie) used to believe she had a penis. She, like Anna, use to insist on it, rather vehemently. You will be happy to know Jen, that today, she is a well adjusted woman. Quite happy with her (ahem) girl parts, with a great husband and daughter to boot.

And I will let Christian know to be expecting a call from Adam soon. :)

Motherly Advice from the Mother of a Good Friend

As Promised... I feel so honored that my friends mum took the time to write this down for me. It was so encouraging, and warm that I cried halfway through reading it. My friend has a wonderful mum, that is for sure!

10 things I learned about parenting the hard way:

1. There are days or weeks or months when you go through really hard phases and other times which are just easier. Its not that you are doing anything wrong its just that parenting is a process and growing into each new phase is hard work for the parents and the children. I had a cat and sat on the stairs and stroked it when I was mad at my toddler. It helped calm me down.


2. Don't try and win every battle with your child - you will not succeed and you may well end up losing a really important one. Draw up a list of the things you argue about with your toddler and sort them into important and not important. Do it when you are feeling calm and rested. Decide now to give up the unimportant ones. Eventually I gave up fighting the tidy bedroom battle and my child lived in chaos through her teens. Be reassured - she can be quite tidy now.


3. What are the important battles? Well I guess that they vary but they all revolve around the issue 'if I say no, I mean it'. Be determined on that one. Obedience is essential - sometimes it can save a life. Its important to win these battles when they are 2 and you will reap such a good reward when they are older. I have seen mothers who gave away ultimate authority to their children if they whined and cried and persisted enough as toddlers have such trouble with their teens. Stroppy behaviour is embarrassing in public with toddlers but it really is worth fighting.


4. What children need is unconditional love so if you say no a lot try to also to say you love them despite everything. Get them to say sorry and then forgive them and cuddle them. Don't hold grudges. Don't keep throwing yesterday's bad behaviour in their face. God doesn't do that to us when we ask forgiveness.


5. If you get out of order and shout at them and behave unreasonably back when you've just had too much (yes I've done that) apologise and ask their forgiveness. It works both ways.


6. Older children can feel pushed out by a new baby. Look for times to spend just with them doing 'grown up' things together that the baby can't do. Tell them you enjoy and look forward to those times. Ask them to help you plan those times. Tell them how much you enjoy them growing up and learning new things. Get excited by things they get excited by.


7. Don't write yourself off as a Mum. It will get better again. Its just a phase.


8. Spend time with older Mums who have been there. If their older children seem well behaved ask them to tell you the most hair-raising things their children did when they were small. Apart from giving you both a laugh it will enable you to see that many toddlers go through a very rebellious stage and end up well behaved. Ask --- if she remembers having a tantrum in the supermarket every week when she was two?


9. Don't ever compare your children with each other. They are different and you need to praise their good qualities and work on their character by reference to themselves without those damming words - If only you were more like your sister she's never naughty. It is so easy to say but so hurtful.


10. Keep things - paintings, drawings, favourite photos - children grow so fast and what seems a lifetime now will pass so quick you'll be waving them off to college before you know. Treasure the good times.

Stain Treat

Every parent of young kids needs good stain remover, or they are rich and buy new clothes at an alarming rate... or their kids wear very stained clothes.

Did I say just kids? Ha, parents need good stain remover too.

Items on my shirt today: Lot's of spit up, breastmilk, cheddar cheese cracker dust, lot's of snot (both kiddos have a cold), water (but that is harmless)probably thousands of germs from coughs, enchilada sauce, and poop. Yep, Audrey pooped through her PJ's on to my shirt.

That about summarizes my day today. Although, today was a bit better then the last two days in regard to my being able to parent in spite of exhaustion (Audrey is nursing every 1 1/2-2 hours during this cold and Caleb is waking frequently to yell about his pain).

Stay tuned for tomorrow when I post a really encouraging email about mothering from my dear friend. Well, the email is from my friend, but the advice is from her mum. Can't tell you how thankful I was to recieve it today, made me cry. Can't post right now though because the hubby wants me to shut down and watch a show with him. (Sleep deprivation is mostly due to kids, partly due to our need to feel like adults and do something that has nothing to do with parenting before we go to bed).

It used to be easy...

Excluding the sleep deprivation (which is in a class of its own), parenting Caleb was easy.

Until he turned two, or I got pregnant... they both happened at about the same time. Suddenly it wasn't easy anymore. I was tired, easily frustrated, in pain, and shall we say slighly hormonal? He was wanting to be independent, experimenting with boundaries, and learning that it was sometimes fun to be bad. Remember when you used to do something you KNEW would make your parents mad, but part of you just wanted to make them mad? I thinkit is a control thing or something... maybe a love thing too? Like will they still love me if I do this? How about this? How mad will THIS make them?

Anyway, I am in this continual "it use to be like this" mindset and it makes me sad and frustrated that things changed. Sometimes I think that it would have stayed wonderful forever if I had never gotten pregnant... now don't get me wrong, in NO way do I regret having Audrey, LOVE that girl! And Caleb isn't all that bad, in fact he is quite good... we just have moments... days that are... trying. But, I wonder if he and I would still have that incredible relationship we had and he would still be my perfect little boy. Call me crazy, but I really do wonder.

These days I feel like a bad mom more than a good mom. I used to feel like a good mom... pretty much all the time. In fact, until this past year, I hought I was pretty top notch in the mom department. LOVED being a mom, all the time. Didn't really ever want breaks either. Never have been away from Caleb for more than a few hours. Christian and my friends had to convince me to leave Caleb to go on dates. We took him on vacation with us, I did not persevere in overcoming his bottle rejection because I was happy to be with him all the time to breastfeed him, etc. I just LOVED being mom, all the time. Now...I don't feel like a good mom at all. CLEARLY not top notch, and sometimes wonder if I do anything good at all. I feel like a bad mom more days out of the week than a good one. Now, I want breaks... all the time. I want a vacation, without the kids, and I think I am going to get Audrey started on taking a bottle, so that I can get some long breaks. I agonize over my mistakes, and feel guilty a lot of the time.

Hmm, you know that saying, "You don't understand till you are there yourself" or something like that? I have all these grievances against my parents, things I think they should or should not have done, etc. (don't get me wrong, they are good parents). I think I am understanding a little better now what they were going through, why they made some of their choices- good and bad, and how they made some of the mistakes they did. On the whole, they did a great job. I am alive right? And more than that, I am a grown woman with an amazing family, an education, and arguably am a decent person. They did a pretty good jon in raising us kids. My brother and sister are doing well too, so they must have done well right?

Sorry, Mom and Dad, for not understanding some of your mistakes, were just that, mistakes, made out of sleep deprivation, frustration, lots of personal sacrifices, and just simple human error. Thank you for loving me through this and letting me learn how it is... I guess the hard part of parenting doesn't end when your kids are grown either (I am case in point).

Caleb, you, my dear sweet amazing boy, are the eldest, in some ways the guinea pig. I apologize now for my mistakes. You can send us the counseling bill when you are older... I hope you can forgive me for my mistakes- now and later.

Ahh, remember when it used to be easy?

I am cherishing these easy days with Audrey. And trying to move into a new place with Caleb. Trying to remember it is not going to be easy, and to stop hoping/expecting it will be. I need to know it is tough, and know how to parent anyway.

Audrey's 4 Month Check Up

Height 24 1/2 inches 60th percentile- grew two inches since her last appt.
Weight 16 lbs. 14 oz. 97th percentile- gained 1 lb. and 8 oz. since last visit
Head 16 3/4 90th percentile- grew 3/4 inch since last visit

Yes, Audrey is 97th percentile in weight... surprised? :)

Dr. Roseman said she is doing well, and looks great. I sure think so. Look at that sweet face!

Our Trip to San Jose

Uncle Rex and Aunt Elaine's House was a highlight. We had a great time in their garden, enjoying their view, visiting, and eating together. Caleb got to pull vegetables and sample all the flowers.

Definietly have to do that again! Gianna even came over after work to join us. It was so fun! Uncle Rex is a great chef and made a delicious dinner. Caleb got to help with that too. Need that fennel potato recipe!

Thanks for all the goodies you sent us home with too!



We got a super short visit with Nen (my Dad's mom). It was good to see her. We hoped to see Nenaneen Mary too, but the kids nap time caused an interference...next time!


Playing with Izzy was a treat! We got to see her a lot. At first, she had to get used to us, as we haven't seen her since Christmas. By the end of our short trip, we were all comfortable with each other.